It’s not all about the Children

It’s unfortunately very easy to get so caught up in life and routine that you forget to show affection to those most important to you. This trend starts honestly enough but quickly you realize that years have gone by.

If your marriage has become stale or if you tend to take your husband for granted, here are some ways to show your love. As you consider these, some of you may find that the time is not the issue; it's the technique and act of verbalizing your feelings.
Therefore, go in knowing that you can accomplish these without saying a word. As most of us know, actions can speak louder than words...

Leave Notes (in Unusual Places)

Perhaps life has become so busy that you feel like your schedule rarely coincides with that of your husband. How about leaving him a note somewhere unexpected? You’ve probably all heard of kids having little notes from their umm in their lunch bags – that’s one place to start, but how about a note by the coffee pot, in the fridge, on the pillow, on the computer screen...? This can become a bit of a game as you compete to leave a note in the most unusual places!

Hug your Husband 

Physical gestures mean a huge amount, and a hug can be just what your husband needs to put a big smile on his face. Whether it’s snuggling up on the sofa with him or giving him a goodnight hug, being held and warmed by another person is a perfect way to feel loved.

Write a Poem
A time-honored way to say “I love you” is to write a poem. You don’t have to be Shakespeare – look for sincere, original ways to tell someone that you love them. Try not to fall back on hackneyed phrases about their beautiful blue eyes or their rosy red lips; write about something that’s meaningful to you, perhaps that dimple on their chin, or the way they laugh at your jokes.

Give an Unexpected Gift

An unexpected present is a moment of pure joy for the recipient and the giver, and it needn't be anything expensive. Just think of something they really like but may not get their selves. It’s a really easy way to say “I love you”.

Hold Hands

Like hugging, holding hands is something that we often neglect to do when a relationship becomes cozy and familiar. Try taking your partner’s hand while sitting on the couch, or hold their hands across a table in a restaurant. Being in contact physically helps you feel closer emotionally. This is especially important if you need to talk through a difficult issue or problem. Holding hands can also be a visible demonstration of support if your partner is upset or feeling down.

Make A Special Meal

If Friday nights usually mean ordering takeout, why not offer to cook for a change? Make a special meal for your husband. Include their favorite foods, take a few minutes to set the table, to light candles and your usual forgettable evening slumped on the couch can become a night to remember...

Dress Up

In the early stages of a relationship, you probably made the effort to look your best. Of course it’s nice to get to the point where you can lounge around in your jammies or you’re over sized, hole-ridden t-shirt... but occasionally getting dressed up can rekindle that early excitement in the relationship. Why not just get dressed up in your best clothes for a special meal for two at home?

Give a Foot/Shoulder Rub

Modern life is stressful and many of us have aches and pains caused by tense muscles. A shoulder rub, back rub or foot rub is a wonderful way to tell your husband “I love you”. It demonstrates that their physical well being and comfort is important to you, and it’s also a great way to reinforce physical and emotional closeness.

Listen to Them

It’s easy to talk over people or to tune out most of what they’re saying whilst reading the newspaper or chatting online with friends. Listen actively to your partner – when they want to talk, put down what you’re doing, and focus all your attention on them. Listen for what they don’t say; unvoiced concerns or worries, or hints at what they’d really like. Nod and make eye-contact to show that you’re paying attention.

I’m sure there are far more than a few ways to say “I love you” without speaking a word – what tips do you have? What has a loved one done for you that showed their love in a powerful way?

It's Time to Make Some Lasting Family Traditions

We are Muslim Mommies and Wives and although we don't all have children most of us probably do. And for a large majority of us they our children are no longer little babies, maybe the last one is still 5 or younger, but for the most part they are getting older, they are reaching those adolescent, early teen years. We are tired and have been mothering for quite a while now, but we have to snap out of it.

We have so few years with our children trust me they pass by so quickly, before you know it our children are out of our homes and constant care and supervision. For all of you who have young adult children you can relate with me here. You never stop missing them or wanting them around, so cherish the time you have to make lasting impressions on them, so that when they are older they still want to be around you as well. It starts when they are younger giving them a knowledge of Islam and showing them a love of Islam and of course plenty of Duaa.
As wives and mommies we are so important in raising this foundation of good in our homes so there are a few things we can do.

Read Quran with your Children

Insha Allah this gives them a love of Allah's book and it also creates a feeling of love between the family.  Insha Allah we can set an example for our children and when they are older they will remember that this is something good to do.

Have Family Dinner

Insha Allah this is something we do already we eat together as a family, however on Friday make the day a little more festive. Plan a nice meal, it doesn't have to be big, but maybe we can make the house nice and use the nice dinner ware. Just make it an enjoyable, special experience. It will be something that Insha Allah when our children are grown up they remember and love to do with you. So they will want to keep this tradition and always come to mom and dad’s house, even when they have their own families.

Play Games Together

 

This can be any type of permissible game, such as Islamic trivia (you can make the questions according to your child's knowledge) this is fun and it creates love and also is a great way of increasing your child's knowledge and insha Allah Imaan. Board games are also fun, such as scrabble Jr. and things like that. This creates a family bond.

 Teach them Virtues and Sunnah of Jummah

Let's start some family traditions with our children, teach them the virtues and etiquettes of Friday according to the Quran and Sunnah. Show them love for our religion and family. Insha Allah they will grow up knowing that every week for the Muslim is a holiday. Please enjoy your time with your families, and May Allah give you the good of this day, this world and the hereafter. Ameen

November Calender

As Salaamu Alaikum ladies, I have come up with a new schedule of topics for the month of November and each day will correspond to what has been posted here. Please check the calender and if a particular day interest you then be sure to stop by on that day. And I will be taking suggestions for next months topics, feel free to leave me an email or comment with your ideas and suggestions.

Quick Tidy Routine

As Salaamu Alaikum and how is everyone  Insha Allah everyone is well and if you aren't may Allah make it so. Aamin. 
Between Monday and Friday my days are super busy, homeschooling, working, studying, and countless other things. Some days I look up and realize that the house isn't looking quite the way I would like for it to look, but who has time for cleaning when you can barely breath?
Yes this is a problem but listen ladies there is something you can do, because the reality the house has to be maintained, so I came up with a quick tidy routine that has worked for me and I promise you it is quick and the results are wonderful. I am going to share it with you all here today and insha Allah it will prove beneficial to you. 

Kitchen

·         Clear out and wipe down the sink (5 minutes).

No piles of dirty dishes! Do a quick wash, and wipe the sink with  sponge.

·         Wipe down countertops and stove (1 minute).

Clean splatters and spills with a damp cloth or sponge and an all-purpose cleanser.

·         Wipe problem spots on the floor (2 minutes).

 Quickly clean any spills or sticky spots, which will attract dirt and get more noticeable if left alone.

·         Fold or hang dish towels (30 seconds).

Even if they’re clean, a jumble of dish towels on the counter can look messy. Take a few moments to fold or hang them.

Bathroom

·         Wipe out the sink (30 seconds).

Use a washcloth, paper towel, or a product like Windex Glass and Surface Wipes, which won’t leave streaks on chrome or mirror.

·         Clean splatters off the mirror (15 seconds).

Got foamy toothpaste spray on the mirror? Do a quick swipe with the clean cloth

·         Wipe the toilet seat and rim (15 seconds).

With a soft cloth spray some clean on your toilet seat and rim and wipe down toilet

·         Swoosh the toilet bowl with a brush (15 seconds).

Spray inside and give it a quick scrub.

·         Squeegee the shower door (30 seconds).

Wipe down glass doors to remove water droplets that can cause spotting. No squeegee? Use a dry towel.

·         Spray the shower and curtain liner with a shower mist (15 seconds).

A quick spray with a daily cleanser will reduce buildup of mildew and soap scum.

Bedroom

·         Make your bed (2 minutes).

Even a fluffy down comforter pulled up over messy sheets will look polished.

·         Fold or hang clothes and put away jewelry (4 minutes).

Even better: Resist the urge to toss them somewhere in the first place! Put them away as you take them off.

·         Straighten out the night-table surface (30 seconds).

Take last night’s water glass to the kitchen, stow your reading glasses in a drawer, and straighten books or magazines.

Living Room

·         Tidy the sofa (2 minutes).

It’s likely the focus of the room, so neaten it. Fluff the pillows and fold the throws.

·         Pick up crumbs with a handheld vacuum (1 minute).

Concentrate on surfaces in plain sight: sofa cushions, coffee table, and rugs in the middle of the room. Look for dust bunnies, too.

·         Wipe tables and spot-clean cabinets where you see fingerprints (1 minute).

Use a microfiber cloth or a Swiffer cloth to pick up dust. If the surfaces are streaked or sticky, use a moist cloth.

·         Straighten coffee table books and magazines (2 minutes).

Toss old newspapers and magazines into a basket or bin made labeled specifically for them

·         Clear major clutter (5 minutes).

Stash toys, and anything else you might trip over.

Making the Most of your Marriage

Making the Most of your Marriage

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in
tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs for those
who reflect". [al-Room 30:21]

Tafsir Ibn Kathir

(And among His signs is this that He created for you wives from among yourselves,) meaning, `He created females of your own kind, to be wives for you.' that you may find repose in them,) This is like the Ayah, (It is He Who has created you from a single person, and He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her) (7:189). This refers to Hawwa'. Allah created her from Adam, from the short rib on his left. If Allah had made Adam’s entire progeny male, and created the females from another kind, such as from Jinn or animals, there would never have been harmony between them and their spouses. There would have been revulsion if the spouses had been from a different kind. Out of Allah's perfect mercy He made their wives from their own kind, and created love and kindness between them. For a man stays with a woman because he loves her, or because he feels compassion towards her if they have a child together, or because she needs him to take care of her, etc. (Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.)

Alhamdulillah you have found the right mate. Insha Allah

Excellent, but how do you keep the feeling alive and work at creating a dynamic, growing relationship?

Many of us fail to keep talking, to keep asking questions and to keep our partnership fresh and loving. The divorce rate reflects the death of romantic love after a short honeymoon period. Romantic love is delicious - all sweaty palms and heart palpitations, and long nights of passion, and talking. Two become one for a time and life is bliss.

This state cannot last. Experience shows us clearly that the world creeps slowly back into our love-bubble and we start to lead separate lives again.  We need to work to replace romantic love with friendship and a slow-burning passion that permeates all aspects of our dealings with our partner.

This is based on communication, staying interested in your partner and your partnership. The developing friendship does not mean the end of wonderful passion but it does mean understanding that a lasting relationship is so much more than physical attraction.

When children arrive, the pressures on the two of you are exponentially greater. Your time and attention become diverted away from the love of your life. This spells trouble if you have not established clear ground rules. Drifting apart is the easy option. Working hard to keep your love alive is just that - hard work at times.

Questions to share with your husband

Use these as a way of focusing on your love and your future.

·         Do I show you that I love you?

·         Do you love me?

·         Do you like me as a person?

·         Do we have fun together?

·         Do you feel appreciated by me?

·         Is there anything that you want to tell me about you?

·         Has being with me changed anything in you for the better/worse?

·         Do we both understand our roles and are trying to please Allah?

·         Have I changed since we got together?

·         If I have, is this OK with you?

Take the time to listen to each other's answers. Listening can be more important than speaking at times. 

There are some basic concepts to consider when listening in important situations.

Step one is to receive the message, which means you need to stop talking. Step two is to understand or comprehend the message. Step three is to make sure that you got the message right and to absorb it. All that needs to happen before you reply. Your mood, your thoughts and your perceptions can all cloud your understanding of the message.

Is this starting to sound difficult? Well, it is difficult, which is why so few of us are effective listeners.

You also have to keep in mind that a lot is not being said. To get at the deeper, underlying meaning of a message, you need to listen attentively and gently. Your partner is hopefully precious to you and deserves your undivided attention. Ask the questions and then wait for the answers.

Alhamdulillah for all the things He has given us, now that we have them we have to show gratitude. Our marriages are no different, show that you are grateful and make it known that you care. Remember their will be hard times and bad days, but if we learn to communicate, respect each other, and love each other for the pleasure of Allah, then Insha Allah we will have lasting marriages.

Can you Really Have it All? ( A Battle of Work and Home)

         

We all know the popular phrase ‘you can have it all’, but is it true?  Can women really have a career, kids, husband and home and be successful in each aspect? 

This is a question that I have asked a few women and I have even tried to answer myself. I have tried to have it all and I will say that while it is not impossible, I found it extremely difficult and for me I had to make some decisions. In doing so I came up with a few points in which to follow in order to keep me on track and I hope that they work for you. Of course everyone will have their own experiences and ways in which to cope these are just a few suggestions that I found to be helpful.

   

• Set goals and plan how to reach them.  “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” - Napoleon Hill.
•  If you are married, it’s essential to be on the same page with your spouse. 
• Be realistic.  Don’t over-extend yourself or you will become stressed which could result in failure.  Remember, you are human, not a robot.
• Be willing to ask and accept help.  No one can do everything by themselves. 
• Allow yourself to be open to suggestions as well.  Sometimes an outsider can see something you are too close to notice. There’s no shame in seeking advice and help.  In your home, assign chores.  If you have children involved in activities, make transportation arrangements with parents of other children in the same activities.  At work, delegate small jobs to others, allowing you more time and mental energy to focus on the bigger projects.  
• Be prepared for failures.  This is only natural.  Every person walking the earth will experience failures, trials, and rough times.  It’s how you handle the failures that determine your success.  Don’t give up or let it stop you.  Use it as a learning tool.  Brush yourself off, and keep moving forward.  Determination and perseverance is the biggest key to success.
• Prioritize and this one should have been at the top. Sisters place everything in perspective of what is most important. Remember to keep Allah and Islam first, children, husband, and home are essential and they are our first responsibility. Our role as women is to nurture and educate our children in Islam, so if we are finding that our careers are interfering with that or things are beginning to fall apart at home, we must decide what is most important and how we can salvage it. If at all. So the key is to prioritize and constantly reevaluate. 

I 

• 
  

     http://salaf-us-saalih.com/2013/04/09/advice-to-the-women-shaykh-ahmad-bazmool/

Wellness After 30

Wellness in Your 30's 
 UmmHaya Salahuddin   

They say the human body is at its peak at age 25. As you grow older and get to the onset of your 30s, that is when metabolism slows down, our muscles lose mass, bones lose density, strength and metabolism declines, and body fat accumulates faster than ever. Physiologists say that a woman gains an average of 22lbs between the ages of 20 and 65. Yet, you don't have to be a statistic. Don't just sit back and embrace the physical decline that is bound to happen sooner or later. The answer is to stay active in your thirties, this is proven to slow down the natural processes of our body and leave you feeling good about yourself.

From 20's to 30's 

From her late twenties up to her thirties, a woman spends more of her time with the responsibilities and priorities that come with family and career. Often, it gets difficult to squeeze in enough time to work out and stay fit until the day comes when you notice those unwanted flabs. More than your physical appearance, you might start feeling exhausted or lethargic most of the time or worse, you develop health problems. While there is no fountain of youth, every woman can minimize health risks as her body matures by taking time for age-appropriate exercises – on top of adapting a healthier diet.

Basic Exercise Program for your Thirties.

A woman in her thirties still needs a good balance of aerobic, cardiovascular, and weight training exercises. 60 minutes of medium intensity exercise three times a week would be sufficient in meeting your fitness needs. Yet, you don't need to do it "all in 60 minutes" you could break this down into 6 x 30 minutes sessions.

 

So how can you become more active in your thirties?

It can be tough to make time in your schedule for exercise when you’re in your thirties, especially if you have a career, an active social life and a family to look after. The chances are exercise doesn’t make it high up on your list of priorities when you have so many other things to worry about.  I understand, you are tired, the children have run you ragged and the work just never seems to end. However, it is definitely worth making time for exercise while you’re still young and healthy, so that you can potentially avoid developing health problems as you get older.

If you don’t get enough exercise you could find yourself at greater risk of developing heart disease and diabetes, which you obviously don’t want to get if you can help it.

You therefore have to find a way to incorporate more exercise into your schedule. You may however feel as though you don’t have enough time for exercise, but you only have to set aside an hour a day for some kind of physical activity to feel the benefits. I will repeat you don’t even have to do this hour of exercise all in one go and so you could easily squeeze in a few lunges or sit-ups while you’re waiting for dinner to cook and take the stairs instead of an elevator. As long as you get your body moving and your heart pumping you should notice a difference, but you have to ensure that you get more active regularly.

Thus, there is no point in creating a home gym with the intention of using it every day only to find that your schedule doesn't make it easy for you to do this. You might start off with enthusiasm, but soon find that your job or family takes precedence over a workout in that gym. You therefore need to find an activity you enjoy doing which you can actually squeeze into your schedule, or which you want to do so much that you’re prepared to make room in your schedule for it.

You might decide to get up early to go for a brisk walk with your husband, this can double as a chance to reconnect and exercise.   You could also buy a fitness DVD.  In the end, it is up to you what kind of exercise you do, but you have to be prepared to do it regularly if you are going to be able to appreciate the benefits.

Wellness in your thirties is about more than exercise it’s about the whole person.

We have to ask ourselves the hard questions and be honest with our answers in order to be truly well in your thirties.

·         Do you manage to complete all or most of your tasks by the end of each day?

·         Do you have all the tools you need to run your life, such as an effective schedule?

·         Do you delegate effectively?

·         Do you give time to people who don't deserve your time?

·         Do you manage your home efficiently?

·         Do you put off handling things that could and should be dealt with now?

·         Do you say yes to additional work, knowing that you do not have sufficient time to complete the task?

·         Do you have a cut-off point each day when your time becomes yours?

·         Do you need help looking after the children so that you can spend more quality time with them?

These questions seem simple and yet they are an accurate reflection of what can potentially go wrong in the average day. Effective time management frees up mental and emotional space, allowing you to act more effectively and efficiently.

Set about getting the basics right: time for work; time for family/social activities; time for you.